


Rules of Courting Familiars and Other Folkloric Inaccuracies

by unraveledwords



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: First Dates, Light Angst, M/M, Nandor is extra, Sexual Tension, gratuitous clothing description, hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25399387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unraveledwords/pseuds/unraveledwords
Summary: “Nandor told me this morning that we’re going on a date tonight,” Guillermo told the camera as he paced the library, rubbing his sweating palms on his khakis. "Yeah, told me. Like an order,” he added with an exasperated sigh. Dating a vampire was proving to be just as difficult as he’d expected.*Nandor just wants to spoil Guillermo. Guillermo can't wrap his head around it.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless
Comments: 19
Kudos: 105





	Rules of Courting Familiars and Other Folkloric Inaccuracies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TeamThor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamThor/gifts).



> Idk shit about Dracula I'm making it up y'all

“Nandor told me this morning that we’re going on a date tonight,” Guillermo told the camera as he paced the library, rubbing his sweating palms on his khakis. "Yeah, told me. Like an order,” he added with an exasperated sigh. Dating a vampire was proving to be just as difficult as he’d expected. After the nightmare in the theater, Nandor had actually leveled with him, told him how much he appreciated him, how much he needed him. And if that alone hadn’t been enough to convince Guillermo, the long kiss that followed his confession certainly had.

Guillermo sucked in a shaky breath and glanced at the clock. “Nandor gave me explicit instructions not to wake him today,” he said before slipping into an exaggerated imitation of his master’s tone, “I will need time to complete my arrangements.” He shot an annoyed look of confusion to the camera. “I mean what the hell does that even mean? What, are we going skydiving? Dios mio, I hope we're not going skydiving, why would we, he can fly, that’s so stupid…”

A few weeks had passed since the Incident as Guillermo had come to think of it. At first, it seemed like Nandor wasn’t going to acknowledge their kiss. They’d fallen back into their old ways of Guillermo taking care of him, but Nandor’s demeanor was much gentler. Still it took several more pointed discussions for Nandor to admit he did intend on changing the nature of their relationship.

It was complicated though. Guillermo had to admit a lot of confusing things to himself including the fact that he did enjoy serving Nandor, and Nandor had agreed to work with him as issues came up. Nandor admitted (when pressed) that he lashed out when things got too intense and agreed to work on that as well. Guillermo knew communication was a huge part of relationships but something told him this wasn’t exactly what people meant when they said that.

Despite the emotional work they’d put into it, they still were struggling to find their footing romantically. Nandor still spooked a bit when Guillermo put a hand on him, to the point where he debated whether he was touch starved or averse. This hadn’t stopped Nandor from being physically affectionate but it was so chaste. Guillermo wondered fearfully if courting in his country was a long game; hadn’t they danced around each other enough? Other than the occasional soft glance or brief caress, they didn’t exactly act like a couple, not to Guillermo anway. They hadn’t even kissed since that first time.

Guillermo was shaken from his thoughts when he heard Nandor rumble out his name in a voice that would make thunder jealous. He turned on his heel only to immediately stifle a laugh. The first thing he saw was the wide brimmed conical hat Nandor was wearing, made of black velvet accented with a cheery peacock feather. Guillermo regretted it as his brain caught up with the rest of what he was seeing, and he turned briefly to the camera as if to ask if he was really seeing this. Nandor was in an actual  _ suit _ . The blazer and trousers were purple on black pinstripe with a black brocade vest. The shocker was the bright paisley turquoise tie that Guillermo thought brought out Nandor’s eyes. What was less shocking, albeit just as enchanting, were the black velvet cape edged with embroidered purple flourishes and the knee high boots adorned with black platinum chains embellished with turquoise stones.

Nandor just grinned as he watched emotions flit rapidly over Guillermo’s face, his mouth hanging open. “Do not look so nervous, I have prepared for you an outfit. It’s in my room on the chaise. Go and change quickly before our transportation arrives.” He waved a hand at Guillermo, and his pleased grin widened as he thought back to hypnotizing the clerk at the shop. Truly the fashion servant had brought him the finest modern garments, and he couldn’t wait to see his beloved in them.

Guillermo shook himself out of his revelry at that. “You...bought me clothes?” he asked tentatively, hoping he was hiding his apprehension but knowing he wasn’t as he saw Nandor”s face fall.

“Yes, is that...” he fidgeted before squaring his shoulders again to simulate the confidence he knew his voice didn't have, “Is that alright?” 

“Yeah it’s. Yeah it’s fine,” Guillermo stammered out, nodding in an attempt to convince them both.

Guillermo pushed past Nandor, catching the sweet smell of rose oil in his hair. “Shit, I have no idea what to expect right now. Jesus, don’t let it be embarrassing, I swear if there’s another one of those hats,” he prattled off to the camera when he knew Nandor was out of earshot, “I mean, it’s not like I spent an hour antagonizing over this outfit al-” His complaint died on his lips when he swung open the door and saw the incredible suit gracing the chaise lounge. He practically ran into the room to get a better look at it.

The suit itself was deep purple silk with a tapered leg. A turquoise vest in the same paisley pattern as Nandor’s tie lay besides a black brocade shirt. Next to those were a bolo tie encrusted with turquoise and black diamonds matched with tasseled leather shoes also set with the same stones. “Does he really think I can pull off this colour?” Guillermo mused to himself as he ran a hand over the silk slacks.

He’d barely buttoned them when Nandor banged on the door, “Are you ready? What is taking so long?” He knew Guillermo wasn’t actually taking that long, but he was so eager.

So eager that he was already opening the door by the time Guillermo squeaked out, “Just a minute!”

Nandor strode across the room to where Guillermo was now fighting with his cuff links, “Fuck, c'mon, I'm  _ trying _ to hurry,” he spat out, jumping at the sudden intrusion.

To his surprise, the vampire gently took his wrist and began fastening the stubborn button, “Well, you are not hurrying enough, let me help you.” 

Guillermo wanted to be offended but instead watched frozen as Nandor finished the cuffs and started buttoning the shirt itself. He couldn’t wrap his head around this role reversal. For all the times he’d dressed his master, he’d always tried to ignore the intimacy of the act. It was all too clear now as Nandor’s knuckles brushed cooly against Guillermo’s undershirt, and Guillermo swallowed hard as he watched the rapid descent of his hands down his torso.

When he started thinking about Nandor’s heavy hands doing the reverse, he knew he had to get out of his head. “You look...incredible by the way,” he breathed out. Nandor smirked up at him but his stomach flip flopped. He knew he was beautiful, why did he suddenly feel self-conscious? 

“Thank you Guillermo, I am pleased you think so.” He chided himself at his honesty as he felt his embarrassment intensify. He focused himself on straightening the shirt before picking up the vest. Guillermo quickly tucked his shirt in as Nandor rounded him to slip the vest over his shoulders. 

Just when he thought he'd saved himself from this whole ordeal being too intense, he felt Nandor's broad hands smooth over his shoulders. He hummed to himself before whispering next to Guillermo's ear, "It fits you perfectly so far." Guillermo shivered, barely managing a thank you. 

He tried to speak up again when Nandor picked up the belt he hadn't noticed before. Nandor however arched an eyebrow as he came to face him, and Guilermo dropped his eyes in an attempt to instead appreciate the thin, black leather strap stamped with intricate embossment. He soon felt that was a mistake as he watched Nandor thread the end nimbly through the first loop. His next mistake was looking up at Nandor, whose eyes were trained intently on his face. He kept this smouldering gaze on him as he pulled Guillermo closer to loop the belt around his ample waist. He licked his lips slowly as he watched Guillermo part his own, gasping softly at their proximity. Guillermo prayed he couldn't hear his blood rush as his heart picked up pace, but he knew better. Guillermo's eyes slipped closed when Nandor pulled him even closer to buckle the belt, his hips shifting forward unconsciously and another soft sound escaping him.

Nandor released him unceremoniously, grabbing the blazer and rounding him again. He lifted Guillermo’s arms with an easy pressure, maneuvering him like he was only a doll. Guillermo bit down hard on his lip in an attempt to not moan as Nandor ran his hands down his chest from behind to button the jacket. He turned him effortlessly to slip the bolo tie over Guillermo’s head, fingers dancing against his neck as he adjusted the tie and collar. He smiled at Guillermo's sharp inhale as he tucked the ends into the vest. Emboldened, he pretended to straighten the jacket with wide strokes over Guillermo’s chest and arms. Nandor tilted his head appreciatively and giddily watched Guillermo’s cheeks flush with rich smelling blood. 

He stepped back when Guillermo reached for his shoes himself. He could barely handle this kind of manhandling; he didn’t think he could handle it if Nandor dropped to his knees to put his shoes on. Nandor watched him toe into them before his face light up, “Oh I nearly forgot!” He reached a hand into his suit jacket, and Guillermo took a moment to appreciate how lithe Nandor looked in such comparatively light clothing.

His stomach dropped when he saw the ring box in Nandor’s hands.  _ Shitfuckfuckshit,  _ he thought,  _ is he going to fucking…  _ His train of thought ended when Nandor opened the box to reveal a turquoise ring set in black platinum, more black diamonds circling the mottled stone. As Nandor slipped it deftly on Guillermo’s middle finger, Guillermo let out the breath he was holding.

“I hope you enjoy turquoise, I understand it is very precious in your native country of glorious Mexico,” Nandor said tentatively.

Guillermo’s face broke into a genuine smile, “Yes I do, that’s really thoughtful actually.” 

Nandor felt his stomach flutter at how happy Guillermo looked. Determined to regain his composure, he stepped back again and motioned for Guillermo to spin with a turn of his finger. Guillermo obliged, the delectable blush returning to his cheeks. Nandor straightened his lapel again and brushed his hand through his hair before purring, “It’s better than I imagined.” He cleared his throat upon realization of his accidental admission, “But come, we must go, the carriage awaits.” He spun on his heel as Guillermo mouthed to the camera  _ carriage? _ before following.

Guillermo once again kicked himself for laughing at Nandor's over the top style of dating. The carriage was a beautiful ornate cherry wood led by two all black steeds. Nandor hurried ahead of him, opening the small door to reveal a comically large box of chocolates and veritable hedge of red roses. Guillermo covered his face shyly and chuckled, "Really master?" 

The carriage attendant shot them a look until Nandor snarled at him. "Do you not want them?" he inquired carefully, giving Guillermo a hand up onto the velvet lined seat.

"No, no, I do," he replied, worrying at his lip, "I just. No one's ever given me flowers and chocolate before." Nandor's frown deepened until Guillermo leaned over to gingerly sniff the roses and open the heart shaped box of sweets. Guillermo popped one in his mouth before shaking the box at him, "I'd offer you one but. You know."

Nandor softened, "Yes, yes, it would spoil the moment." Nandor barked at their driver to get a move on and ordered the camera crew not to follow them.

They fell into an uncomfortable silence. “Where are we going?” Guillermo asked when he finally built up the nerve.

“A restaurant,” Nandor said, as though that was sufficient. 

Guillermo started to ask him why before chastising himself. He couldn’t well hold it against Nandor for reacting poorly to affection if he wasn’t going to enjoy how much work Nandor was putting into this. And damn, the amount of work he was putting into it. Guillermo wondered if he was dreaming but even he wouldn’t treat himself this nicely in a dream. Still he could hardly fathom what drove Nandor to do this much for him. He smiled to himself as he pondered this, picking at his chocolates. When he looked over at his partner, Nandor looked ill at ease. He had his eyes fixed ahead of him, brow knit in clear overthought. When Guillermo made the command decision to grab Nandor’s hand in hopes of soothing him, the carriage came to a stop.

The restaurant was dazzling: a small brick chalet with ivy climbing up the sides, its sign proclaiming “La Campagne.” Nandor once again opened the door for Guillermo, and as he turned, Guillermo seized an opportunity. Before Nandor could close the door, Guillermo deftly gathered a handful of his cape to pull it out of reach of the door.

Nandor looked at him like he hung the moon, “Guillermo! Why have you not done that before?”

Guillermo adjusted his glasses in an attempt to look nonchalant, “I didn’t want to touch you without your permission.”

Nandor hummed, “Yes, that was probably wise. Feel free to do so in the future though, that was very clever.” Guillermo preened at the compliment as Nandor led them to the host stand to be seated. He looked around the place which was modestly decorated to evoke a pastoral, homey atmosphere. But the expansive table settings and delicate crown molding told him this was maybe the most upscale restaurant he’d ever been to in his life. He openly gawked as they followed the host to their table.

His enthusiasm was dampened when he opened the menu. “'Master,” he whispered angrily, “I can't even read this, it's in French. And there's no prices!”

“Do not be so nervous,” Nandor said with a graceful wave, “I cannot even eat anything on the menu. Just point at something.” The waiter approached the table, and Guillermo relaxed a bit when Nandor ordered them two glasses of shiraz. At least that’d buy him some time to figure out what to order. “You can drink them both,” he said when the waiter left. Guillermo wasn’t sure that was a good idea but said nothing.

“Ok wait,” he piped up after a few minutes of studying the menu, “Most of these words are really similar to Spanish.” He pointed as Nandor instructed, “I think this is a chicken and pasta dish, and this one is duck with...some kind of sauce.”

Nandor’s eyes crinkled along with his wide smile. Guillermo never ceased to amaze him with his hidden talents and heart on his sleeve. “Is Spanish your mother tongue?” he asked.

“Oh um yeah,” Guillermo replied, caught off guard by such a sincere question about his life. The waiter returned to the table, cutting their moment short. Guillermo pointed to the chicken dish then shot Nandor a puzzled glance as he pointed to the duck. 

Nandor didn’t give him time to ask, inquiring instead, “Tell me more about your family.”

“Uh ok. Well my mom is a really good cook…” It took Guillermo a moment but he eventually fell into telling him all about his family, punctuating his stories with cultural anecdotes he hoped interested Nandor. And he thought he was doing a good job, judging by Nandor’s occasional hum and poignant follow up questions. Guillermo never considered that despite the fact that while he knew quite a bit about Nandor after their 11 years together, Nandor actually knew very little about him. It made him feel equal parts anxious that Nandor would grow to dislike him and exhilarated at being able to share with him. He tried to focus on the latter.

Guillermo was again considering taking Nandor’s hand when the waiter came back, inquiring about Nandor’s untouched plate. “I’m sure it is magnificent. However I am loath to neglect the view,” he said smoothly, gesturing to the man across from him. Guillermo choked, grabbing the glass in front of Nandor and draining it in a gulp. Nandor chuckled as the waiter left to get him a to-go plate, “You can have my left for overs.”

Guillermo couldn’t stop smiling over Nandor’s compliment even as they wrapped up their meal. When they left the restaurant, Nandor pushed a playbill into Guillermo’s hands, “I thought we could walk to the theatre. It is only a little ways off.”

A laugh bubbled out of Guillermo. “‘Dracula?’ You’re taking me to ‘Dracula’?” he asked incredulously.

Nandor bared his fangs in discontent, “I thought you liked your silly vampire stories!”

“I do, I do, I’m sorry,” he said quickly, putting a soothing hand on Nandor’s shoulder. He mentally kicked himself when Nandor shrugged it off and headed in what Guillermo assumed was the direction of the theatre. He followed, once again considering taking Nandor by the hand but thought better of it.  _ Just when things started going well,  _ he thought bitterly.

“We do not have to go, I suppose,” Nandor said after a block.

“Nandor.” The vampire stopped short at the sound of his name coming from his familiar. “I want to go. This is amazing so far, I honestly can’t believe you did all this.” Guillermo swore the smile Nandor gave him physically warmed him in the chilly winter air. They walked in a far more amicable silence the remaining way, and Guillermo started to feel excited. He did love a good vampire story.

Getting into the theatre was a blur, and Guillermo was thankful to follow Nandor’s path as he walked proudly through the crowd. When the lights dropped, Guillermo finally slipped his fingers under Nandor’s palm and laced their hands together. Nandor gave him another brilliant smile that Guillermo was sure he returned in kind considering how happy he was to not have Nandor jump like he’d dropped holy water on him.

Nandor was thankful for the distracting drag of Guillermo’s thumb over the back of his hand as he was finding the play very boring. That was until Van Helsing stabbed Dracula.

Nandor laughed boisterously, much to the anger of the woman next to him judging by the glare. He nudged Guillermo, "Who would believe this? A vampire stupid enough to just let a human sneak up on him! And in those boots-"

He cut himself off when he glanced at his new love. Guillermo's jaw was slack, eyes staring forward unseeingly. If Nandor wasn't a vampire, he would have missed the tears glistening on his cheeks.

He dragged Guillermo up by the arm as the other man hissed at him, “We can’t leave right now, it’s rude!”

“I don’t care,” Nandor growled back, making sure to pass in front of the angry woman first, “I’m getting you out of here, come on.” Protectiveness sparked up in Nandor like a violent flame. He knew his mistake immediately and would do anything in this moment to get Guillermo away from the source of his pain.

It was certainly for the best, he thought, considering when they arrived outside Guillermo’s silent tears had progressed to full body sobs. The temperature had dropped significantly, and snow fell gently around them, their breath coming in puffs. Nandor held him by the shoulders, desperately trying to ground the trembling man in front of him. 

“I’m sorry master, I didn’t mean to ruin the play or- or our date, I’m really sorry,” he rambled incoherently, shaking his head as though he expected Nandor to punish him.

He cupped Guillermo’s face with both hands, swiping his tears away with his thumbs. “You are not like him,” he whispered, trying to get him to meet his eyes.

Guillermo shook him off, hands balling into fists at his sides, “Yes I am! You’ve seen it! You should be terrified of me!” He squeezed his eyes shut, “I don’t even know how you can stand to be around me.”

Nandor kept his voice even, “Tell me Guillermo. What vampires have you killed?”

“The assassins that came after you! Carol! The family that... attacked my friends...” Guillermo started off yelling but Nandor watched as the rage subsided with realization. Just when Nandor thought he was going to calm, Guillermo balled his fists up again. “But I killed every damn vampire in that theatre! Every fucking one! I didn’t even have to, it just. It felt good, master, it felt so good,” he cut himself off with a fresh sob, “And that scares me so bad.” Guillermo crumpled in on himself, weeping into his hands.

Nandor took this moment to pull him close to his chest, wrapping his arms around him tightly, “I know you are afraid. But I think it’s beautiful. You are a fierce, potent warrior. And I know you will never hurt me.”

“Even if I don’t, what am I even doing with you?” Guillermo said softly, his tears winding down at the security of Nandor’s weight against him, “I mean what am I even doing on this fancy of a date?”

Nandor jerked back, “Are you that ungrateful- '' He stopped when Guillermo’s eyes widened, hurt. He hissed out air, “I am doing it again, aren’t I?” Nandor pulled him back to him, and Guillermo felt him swallow hard. “To speak plainly. I am scared too. I have no idea how to behave as a ‘boyfriend’.” Guillermo let out a nervous laugh at the feeling of Nandor’s finger quotes behind his back but Nandor continued. “That is why I’ve been so standoffish with you. We have been through so much, and I know I have not treated you...humanely. There’s nothing I can do to ever make that up to you. But I want to. And that scares me. I am an ancient relic though, I mean, yeesh, what does a centuries old conqueror know about modern romance?”

"This isn't a chess game with strategies and correct moves,” Guillermo said gently, glancing up from where he'd pressed his face to Nandor’s neck, “Just be yourself, just be with me, do whatever you want with me." 

Nandor's features curved into a lascivious smile at the unintended innuendo. "Stop looking at me like that, you know what I mean!" Guillermo retorted, freeing a hand to punch him in the shoulder. Nandor merely arched an eyebrow. Guillermo flushed and stammered out, "Ok maybe that’s kinda what I mean."

Nandor searched his eyes for a moment before, to Guillermo’s utter shock, leaning down to brush their mouths together. It was nothing like their first kiss which had been Nandor desperately pressing his lips to Guillermo’s, clearly trying to put every ounce of emotion into the single act. Now Nandor explored him slowly, dragging their lips together smoothly and placing a hand on the back of his head so he could angle him. He licked carefully over Guillermo’s bottom lip then took advantage of Guillermo’s gasp to slip his tongue into his mouth. Guillermo eagerly mirrored him, laving his tongue carefully over the dangerous elongated incisors. Nandor’s body was as cold as the winter evening, but Guillermo was producing enough heat for both of them. He fisted his hands in Nandor’s lapel and pushed harder against his solid frame. Nandor’s other hand found his waist, and he gripped his hip possessively, moaning into his mouth.

"See," Guillermo managed breathlessly as he pulled away, "That’s great. You're doing...great."

Nandor made no move to release him, instead pressing their foreheads together, “I am so very glad, beloved.” Guillermo felt his cheeks warm at the term of endearment. Nandor seemed to come back to himself, announcing, “You look very cold, we should go.”

Guillermo laughed, “It is snowing harder.” He begrudgingly disentangled himself from Nandor and grabbed his hand again, leading them back towards the carriage.

Halfway back Guillermo heard Nandor begin to grumble. Before he could ask, Nandor blurted out, “I hate that little bitch Dracula anyway. If I had realized that Bram fellow would record my stories so inaccurately, I never would have helped him.”

“You knew Bram Stoker?”

“Unfortunately,” he answered, “Let us go home and watch Twilight! Edward is a much better vampire."

Guillermo pulled a face. “Isn’t that another ‘silly vampire story’?” he asked, mocking Nandor’s accent.

"I do not judge you for murdering vampires,” Nandor bristled, “you do not judge me for watching the sparkly Cullens."

"Fair point," he admitted as they met the carriage, Nandor helping him in again. Guillermo was especially thankful this time considering the emotional toll of the evening was catching up to him. Nandor watched him stifle a yawn and picked up a corner of his cape to wrap around Guillermo, delighted at the way his plush form seemed to melt into his side. Nandor had never seen him look so fragile, even despite the new knowledge of his strength. Guillermo buried his face in Nandor’s fragrant hair shyly before settling against his chest. He watched the snow spot Nandor's cloak and eyelashes as long as he could before he succumbed to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this for my bestie, who got me to write the longest fic of my life in less than 24 hours. Also some of the better dialogue is hers, see: Twilight refs among other things.
> 
> Also I'm woahthisguy on tumblr, please come tell me why Guillermo is the prettiest boy


End file.
